Unconditional Love and Forgiveness

Good Morning to you! Sending loving light to you on this wonderful day! Today the new moon is with us, and the new loving energies are pouring in.  What a wonderful day to talk about forgiveness and unconditional love. After all there can be no unconditional love without forgiveness.  Forgiveness is a wonderful tool that we have a choice to use.  When we forgive we experience true release and have true freedom and when we have that we can clear our bodies of all illness and can have total peace.

“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. “ Or “ Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” We have all heard the Lord’s Prayer many times during our existence. In high school our choir director Mr. Andres would have us sing it every spring concert. All of the alumni would run up the aisles to sing it with us. I can still hear it echoing in my memories.

What does it mean? Well exactly what it says.  We are forgiven therefore we should freely forgive. Holding a grudge just isn’t worth the energy nor the dis-ease that can follow. We all experience not so pleasant things during our lifetime but when we look at these things as lessons. We find it all is truly worth it.  Have you ever stopped to think that maybe that person was intentionally placed in your pathway specifically for your growth? I have had several experiences with people that have rubbed me the wrong way, but looking back, I always find that it was a necessary experience to make me the person who I am today.

One very good example I can give you was my marriage. We have all been there thinking we were all alone in this world. Wanting to have a husband or a wife. Wanting to feel loved.  Even thinking that if we didn’t marry by a certain age we would be all alone, and even “die an old maid.”  So we find somebody we are attracted to fall in “love” and get married.  The man I married had a gentle heart, was kind, considerate, would give the shirt off of his back to anyone in need. As a matter of fact he took his summer leave from the military to come to Colorado and build my brother quite an elaborate wheel chair ramp for his home.  We loved each other and started a family. Soon though that love grew cold and we ended up in divorce.  I look back and analyzed our situation and I found out the answer why our love grew cold.  I can honestly say I did not love him unconditionally. You see I found out in order for a relationship to work unconditional love was the key.  Instead of letting my heart lead the way I allowed my ego to rule my life.  Our marriage soon became a competition which led to a lot of anger and even worse abuse. I had the “what about me” attitude, and I honestly didn’t know how to be married. Sure I loved him, but it was the ego kind which isn’t really love at all it was based on fear. The fear of being alone. We ended up hurting each other very deeply. Me with my cutting words and him with his brute strength.  Instead of forgiving one another we fought constantly. The ego love is the” it better be a huge diamond, and don’t ever forget our anniversary”, it’s the Zales diamond commercial we see on TV. It’s the Barbie dream house and Ken relationship. It’s not coming together as one, but keep fighting for your independence always asking what’s in it for me. My ego and his ego clashed so much that unconditional love never had a chance. It all ended in a messy divorce.  I literally hated him for quite a while and held onto that grudge for years. It was him who literally brought me out of the closet to my parents and I hated him for it. Which now I understand that he loved me enough to play that “bad” guy in my life. I needed that push out of the closet to get on with my own life.

Only a few years ago was I able to come to terms with those many years of my life.  For 5 years of that 13 year marriage I was sick and wheelchair bound. For 5 years I was so drugged up most of the time on pain killers, anti depressants, stomach pills, anti-anxiety pills, soooo many pills, and a breathing machine at night for severe sleep apnea to boot.  I didn’t know nor care who I truly was. He tried his best to care for me. My heart was hardened and I couldn’t know love. It takes two to make a marriage but I didn’t actively participate really from day one. I got married because it was the thing to do, being a fundamental Baptist, I certainly couldn’t have relations with a girl. Everyone has the dream of the house with the white picket fence, the dog in the yard and the 2 kids. That is what we are programmed to do anyway.  So confused torn and ego leading the way I said “I do.”  Our marriage was pretty rocky from the start. Of course I figured if we just had a baby all of our problems will go away. He had a vasectomy during his previous marriage so he underwent the surgery to reconnect so we could have a baby.  Unfortunately the surgery left him with “lazy swimmers” so we persued other means. Needless to say it worked and we had a beautiful baby daughter.  Of course our problems didn’t go away they only got worse.  Soon our marriage was nothing but anger and competition, getting one up on each other. Don’t get me wrong we did have our happy times together, but the fear and anger kept it’s shadow because I allowed it to.

After some serious work  on myself through the years. I was finally able to let go and forgive not only him but myself. It wasn’t easy as my ego kept trying to justify my actions and words. But the time finally comes when we examine ourselves and see where all of our energy is going and what is truly worth it.  Instead of blaming him for everything I had to be honest with myself and that was I didn’t love him unconditionally.  I wrote a letter to him a couple of years ago after I had found out he had a heart attack. I asked him for forgiveness and told him that I forgive him and I truly do love him and I wished him well.  Although he hasn’t responded I was able to let everything go and love him unconditionally now. I have moved on with my life and so did he and my healing began.  You see we can get so wrapped up in ourselves that dis-ease can set in or an illness we have been carrying can become worse the more we hold that grudge inside.

I experienced such a release I cried for weeks.  I finally put my body at-ease and in so doing I opened it up to heal.  To be healthy I figured out not only my body, but my mind and spirit needed to be healed as well.

My friend you too can be healed too  of whatever may be ailing you.  None of the drugs in the world can do for you what forgiveness and unconditional love can do. Whatever it is let it go and embrace love. Forgive yourself, forgive others and start unconditionally loving today. I love you so very much!

I ask for Love, Joy, Peace, Health and Abundance, and what I ask for I ask for every MAN, WOMAN and CHILD. And so it is.

Namaste’